how to get around "cant date until your sixteen"

morning coffee radio news and yelling and screaming

every moring i woke up to

your worth is your work

working from early morning until time for bed and sometimes more is the way your value of a human being is rated. if you do not come up top standards you are lazy, layabout, good for nothing, no value. To hear him tell others that i had always paid my way and the few times i had borrowed money I always paid back. It started when i was small and had jobs to do,

being a 23 year old single parent 20 some years ago

my oldest celebrated her 2nd birthday with her parents signing divorce papers. I was so busy living one day to the next not only with taking care of a child on my own-that was the easy part, but having to work and deal with everyday issues, like when someone close to you dies, the world should stop until you have it together again and can handle the day to day living. but the world does not stop and you have to keep up with life and living.

duck and cover or pain

when i was growing up I had to know what was going on all around me. i had to learn to "feel" if someone was behind/beside me. I had to learn that if she was close to me i had to be prepared to be hit. I found out that if i kept her at a distance and have room to run or duck or tighten myself so the pain would not hurt as bad. I had to learn to think about what was going on around me, who was around and what had happened in her day so that i was prepared for her to come at me and how hard, how long and what started her anger so that i could defuse her anger or change her mood or to keep her from using me to take it out on. Sometimes that worked and most times it did not.

facebook and twitter

I created an account on facebook and twitter or at least I think i did. this is more work for a 48 year old woman that stopped keeping up with modern tech when it switched from VHS to DVD. I never thought I would be one of those people that had to call their child to figure out how to use something. When my daughter try to "tell me" how it all works, my eyes glazed over and I finally stopped her and said I didnt get any of that. So I do it and they tell me how to fix it. Baby steps are better.

thank you so much

a few months ago I realized that i use "thank you so much" so much that i am not sure if I sound sincere and that i need to stop using it and start saying something better. As you can guess (or not) i have not been able to stop. I have really been worried about this, but now that i am aware of it I have noticed that it is used by not only others i come into contact with but also on TV and such. So i dont have to worry about using it but then again i dont like to follow the pack so i am going to think of something better to say.

treasure or trash is now called hoarding

seems like every channel is about people that hoarding. I have been working on my house since about this time last year. i cleaned out the shed, i really really threw away almost all of it. It felt great. a few boxes did come back into the house.
Once in the house i had to clean out the spare bedroom. this was hard because as each kid moved out they left stuff which got put into this room, then we added stuff as the baby out grew, then there were things that I added when i got good clearance items that some day i will use. at the same time I was cleaning my office/library. it seemed that things were being shuffled from one of the rooms back to the other. but i as finally making headway with the house. I am not as bad and the shows of hoarding mine is not as bad-even at my worst i had 3 areas that were deep which is not now empty i am working hard to get items (Christmas, bookes, ect) organized. I can almost see the light at the end.

knowing my limits BBQ

I used to be a person that could do it all...i knew the answer to most questions (if i didnt know i made up something that sounded good). I was there for everyone when they needed me, i as able to listen, give advice and help in anyway needed. I could be a single parent, full time college student, worker, attend all of my kids activities, plan and organize dinners and BBQ's for family and friends-usually 40+ people. I could create thyme partings for the kids-

online dating

the computer is one of the greatest invention.
the Internet makes the world a smaller place, we are able to keep in touch with others by quick emails rather than taking the time to write long letters. We can meet people from all over the world and it takes seconds to make contact.

the love to wish for

The love that a man has for a woman is the greatest thing when it is true. Some times there are actors that are able to make you believe that it is true love....like Buffy and Angel.....Rose and Jack, Jack, Jack....50 First Dates.....but the all time thats the love that i want from a man is how much love Jim has for Melinda on Ghost Whisper.....his eyes fill with love for her, he is always there for her even if its just to hold her, the way that his voice deepens when he is talking to her, the laughter they share (in and out of bed).

It almost makes me sad to watch because i have never had that kind of love but I know that to have someone feel that way for me is worth waiting a lifetime for.

I have learned that i can take like and make it seem like love, I can think lust is love, i can think friendship is love, companionship, I have tried to turn it into love of the story book kind but then have to realize that i cant 'make' love happen with him or me. So just relax and leave it on God's hands

never been kissed

just watching the end of movie "never been kissed" and when she talked about the boy at school that was worth getting up each day to go to school just to see him. that there was something about him.......there was one of those at my school, well when i first met him he did not go to my school but within a couple of years he did. When i was 12ish my best friend told me about this guy she meet

TGIF but raining

woke up to rain and it set the tone for the day. I had a headache could not go for my morning walk, not motivated to "do" anything. so setting in front of the tv and on the laptop to research domain name to see if i need it for blogging. Not finding much, this one says yes, that one says no. have a free one or pay. pay is monthly or small yearly cost. which is best. I tried ask.com

2day

I found a journal that i had written 10 years ago, i don't know why i wasted the paper. basically i had no life. day after day it was the same-get up, get kids up, take shower, cleaned house, took kids......nothing that told me anything except I had a boring life or a nice life depending on how you look at it. For me it really was the calm after the storm and before the tornado. or it could have been after the tornado and before the earthquake.I had finally gotten my ex out of my life, unfortunately he left my daughters lives too. but it was ok because he was not a good father to his own daughters. the girls would hear how great a father he has been to his different step-kids and they wonder why he is good with others and cant be good to his own kids. he never saw the difference and his family were just as bad. but anyway,,,,,now i am at another point in my life that is calm and while not boring I am at a good place. I keep reminding myself to enjoy this time because as always with life-it does not stay quiet for long.

photos

I LOVE pictures. I will take 1,000 pictures to get that 1 perfect picture. I enjoy making slideshows with music and or sound effects.

tell it all in a blog

In general I don't listen to music, news, talk politics or religion. If I don't like these things what is there left to talk about. Well it turns out there is a lot I could talk about, I mean really I can go on and on any topic you can think of; childhood trauma-been there, dysfunctional family-got it, the good the bad and the "she is a great student but does like to socialize" talks a lot; moving from school where I was top dog to new school where i was dog, dating as a teenager and a young divorced mom and as a 40+, (much much more differences than you would think) marriage for the right reason to wrong guy or wrong guy wrong reasons-did it.