duck and cover or pain

when i was growing up I had to know what was going on all around me. i had to learn to "feel" if someone was behind/beside me. I had to learn that if she was close to me i had to be prepared to be hit. I found out that if i kept her at a distance and have room to run or duck or tighten myself so the pain would not hurt as bad. I had to learn to think about what was going on around me, who was around and what had happened in her day so that i was prepared for her to come at me and how hard, how long and what started her anger so that i could defuse her anger or change her mood or to keep her from using me to take it out on. Sometimes that worked and most times it did not.
 I had to think about what would postpone or take so long for her to act the anger would not be as bad. some of the examples were; someone could hear her yelling (the hitting always came with yelling), someone was coming, we have to go somewhere and if i was not dressed or as cleaned or prepared-my hair had to be tight pigtails (one advantage to her doing my hair/ was she was so rough and would hit with brush-i am not tender headed--i always was proud of that) i had to be wearing clothes that were appropriate for the occasion, dress usually, shoes and socks ect had to be perfect. but then when we got in public she would loudly say how terrible i looked and that if i had listened to her i would look better and that she was so embarrassed to have her been seen with me looking so bad. then we would get home/car/bathroom i would get hit. if we were in a store and i became impatient-bathroom or the usual 3 hour look at same thing to decide which to get-she would take my arm and squeezed, or pinch or if no one was looking and she could hid in the racks she would hit me (face, arms ect) and if i made a noise she would act like i had hurt myself and she would act the caring mother and ask what was wrong and then say something like-"you know better than......., you should not have....." or something like that. I just knew that if i had to go shopping with her it was going to be painful.  if she got angry and hit it was always my fault but usually she would just yell and hit and i would not know what i had done to deserve it. she liked to use hairbrush, broom, fly swatter, yard stick and of course her favorite-the hanger. lol. She preferred using something to hit with that way she did not hurt herself. All of this before i was 5 and people wonder why i am such a deep thinker and that i take anything said to me personally (when someone teases or joking) and to learn to blend into back ground and not draw attention to myself. to be continued....