pity party

today is a holiday. I am usually the only one that visits the graves of family. Today I am not in the mood to take care of something that there are 10-20 of others that could do it or participate or something. if they dont care why should i,
 but I do and i will take care of them just having a pity party first. I think i need a day at the spa, but for me it is not really relaxing, all during the message i have to keep telling myself to relax otherwise they think they are not working the muscles enough and afterwards i jump up and leave, there is no rest time. So its a waste but i like the idea of relaxing and being at peace. At least its a short week so that will be good. i think i will read for awhile and i will either take a nap or get my second wind and get up and do something.